October 2009


Author: Asked to Remain Private | Photographer: Photography By Mark Staff

Protectors of the Plantations. Perpetuators of Peace. Guardians of all that is Vulnerable in a Crazy World.

They keep the Lowcountry and its citizens safe from the evil that lurks in the criminal mind. But despite their valiant and sometimes superhuman efforts, every now and again someone is caught…


Governing Rules and Regulations:
Section D: Personal Property Article 2: Plant/ Tree Removal
Part A: Plant removal permit is mandatory before any flower is removed from personal property. A fee may be applicable. – VIOLATION!

Section G: Canines/ Felines/ Rodents/ Amphibians Article 6:
Part C: Canines and Felines must be kept of a leash at all times. – VIOLATION!
Part G: Animals are considered a nuisance if they destroy private property. – VIOLATION!

Section Z: General Business Article 76:
Part M: No business for personal profit or gain may be operated out of one’s home or front yard. – VIOLATION!
Part X: Operating without a business permit. – VIOLATION!

Section K: Service Provider Article 10: Painters
Part J: Painters are permitted to work Monday-Friday, between the hours of 7am – 7pm only. *WORK IS NOT ALLOWED ON SUNDAY!

Section G: Golf Course Etiquette
Article 362
Part 26-73: The only balls allowed on the golf course are small and white.
Part 36-94 Golfers must be dressed in attire befitting ladies and gentlemen.

Section D: Personal Property
Part 11: Acts of God and Such…if you’re house is on fire, please call 911.8

  1. I wish these photos were larger online. I would love to be able to see them better.

    — K.C. Hyer    Oct 1, 07:25 pm   

  2. While making sport of these folks has given many of us a chuckle, let’s not forget how much we all depend on them to protect our homes when we are out of town and to aid us when we are faced with an emergency situation. These are the first folks we all call when a serious problem arises in our community. Maybe we should stop by and thank them in lieu of demeaning their jobs.

    — L. Halpern    Oct 2, 10:24 am   

  3. omg this was so funny, i couldnt stop laughing!!!! we need more of this humor !!!! great article !!!!!!

    — linda saxon    Oct 3, 07:11 am   

  4. Reminds me of dealing the the security folks at Sea Pines. Great pictures!

    — Mike Lear    Oct 3, 09:29 pm   

  5. In a time when all you read in the news are depressing issues about healthcare reform, natural disasters and political hoop-lah…this article is like an oasis in the middle of my desert. What a great storyline and the photography really pulled it all together.
    I thank you CH2 Magazine for making light of what might possibly be some of the most ridiculous “laws” Hilton Head has put into place and for putting a HUGE smile on my face. I leave you with one of my favorite quotes.. “A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.” Henry Ward Beecher

    — J.B.    Oct 4, 05:52 pm   

  6. Editor-I will be one of the first to poke humor at my own profession among my colleagues who share the same “war stories” and have a similar perspective. The important word here is perspective. Without that perspective the uninformed reader may draw an inappropriate and damaging view of the roles, duties and services preformed by Security Officers. We have worked long and hard to elevate the profession to enable our officers to take pride in what they do and know they are appreciated for their Service.

    During these difficult economic times we should be bolstering our image as a tourist and retirement friendly area. Your photo pictorial would have worked better if it was placed in the context of all the positive Services that Security Officers perform. Instead our residents and visitors are left with the impression that Security Officers are bumbling, donut eating, nap taking Officers who draw their gun if Fido does their business on the POA’s common property. I know it was meant to be humor but some context was in order.

    I always enjoy reading your publication and will continue to do so but I must admit from the phone calls and comments residents and others have shared with me, we were disappointed that someone on your staff did not contact one of the Security Chief’s or General Managers to overlay a little balance and context into your photo shoot.

    Contrary to your Editors note on page 12 you will always be welcome in Hilton Head Plantation and Our Security Officers will be the first to welcome you on board with a broad smile.

    — Peter Kristian, GM-HHP    Oct 5, 10:30 am   

  7. What a humorous and ever so appropriate article. We are all aware of the good the security officers do for the community. Sometimes making a little fun just helps us remember that when were being pulled over for 2 MPH over the limit. Maybe this article will just help to keep them on their toes when dealing with the propety owners who keep them in a job. Bravo CH2. BRAVO!

    — anne    Oct 5, 07:25 pm   

  8. I cant believe that such a fantastically humorus article which was ment to bring some laughter into our lives has brought out of the wood work some negative comments, we need humor in our lives. if we cant laugh at the everyday things that take place , what else is there . I live in sea pines i see it all too, but life is to short laughing might just be the cure for all!!! great article and photos !!!!

    — linda saxon    Oct 7, 12:44 pm   

  9. I sent you a letter last week. Please print it.
    Thank you
    Indigo Run

    — Terry Leary    Oct 8, 11:40 am   

  10. UH OH – Indigo Run wrote a letter about the offensive pictures and story line. By all means please publish their letter.

    Heaven forbid that anybody make light humour of the profession of a security guard.

    Keep in mind this is coming from the man that screams at a 3 year old for splashing too much in a pool, the man that compensates for short falls in life by upholding rigorous and at times rediculous policies and rules, the man that finds joy in conflict and melancholy.

    By all means – give the guy a bone and print the article! Indigo Run needs you!!!

    — anonymous    Oct 9, 09:42 pm   

  11. To anonymous- Don’t known what male named Terry Leary you are referring to, but the Terry Leary who posted is a female and is the General Manager of Indigo Run.

    — Richard Tracy    Oct 10, 09:10 am   

  12. this became to personal for you people, this isnt a site to tell all youre problems, this was a wonderful article with great pictures, and the humor fantastic .thats all it was, the personal problems you people have are youre own !! have you no funny bone , its a great article and we need more of it to lighten our days. laughter is the best medicine !!!!!

    — linda saxon    Oct 18, 08:26 am   

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